• Kajsa Sagebrand

4 (!) years in LA

I use to find it easy to get my thoughts down into words, especially when it involves writing about LA, but for some reason, I have been trying to get my thoughts down for this four years marks post forever. I want to describe it as detailed as possible, how meaningful and life-changing the last four years have been, but I return to the fact that it's hard to tell something so unique and special.

However, it's getting closer to the 17th of January, the four-year mark since I first moved to Los Angeles. Wow. I never thought that I would say that when I first packed my bags four years ago and left my tiny little hometown in Sweden. Something I knew was that this would change my life forever - and oh boy, it did. The beauty of having a blog from my time as an au pair is to look back at my first 1.5 years here. I wrote a blog post every day, and I should try to convert my blog into a pdf to save it forever. When I had my first blog, I counted every day; the title of every post was "Day *** " When counting all the days together, counting the days ahead left in LA before I head back will sum up to about 1200 days, and that's a lot of days. It all started as going away for a year. I then extended another six months. I came home, moved to Stockholm, and after three months at home, I started to look for a solution to move back. I think I knew when I left LA in the first place that I would be back. I didn't dare to hope too much, but I knew that if I wanted it to work out, then I would make it happen. And, so it did.

My time in LA has formed my twenties and my first years as an adult in one of the world's biggest cities. Also, during a special time in U.S history, and all the county's craziness in the last four years. Despite all that has happened in the county during my time here, it is hard to express and make justice for the unconditional love I have for this place. It's hard not to love California for its palm trees, mountains, forests, deserts, lakes, and ocean. The time I have spent in the city has shaped me, and it might sound like a big cliché, but I believe there are two big reasons I have such a special connection with this place; the city itself and its possibilities. Everything is always available, and everything is always possible. LA became my sweet escape; I believe I have expressed myself with those words before, but I remember adding the song Sweet Escape to my playlist before moving, and it became a statement. I didn't have anything particular to escape from, but it was the sweet escape to do something new.

A conclusion after four years abroad is that the global understanding gives you new perspectives that can't be taught if you don't experience them yourself; therefore, is it hard to describe or justice my time here. I have met friends that have become the most important people in my life. I have met a family that has become my second family and people I will have in my life forever. I have traveled to places I didn't know existed, and I have created memories I hope I never will forget. Besides all the things I have experienced, I have made a personal journey.

There's a beauty to travel by yourself. Even though I always have had people around me in one way or another, I only had myself to rely on. Another factor to why these have been so important four years is the changes I have made in my life - the move itself and the possibilities it has given me. LA has not been itself the last year due to the pandemic, that's for sure. Even though I hoped for another experience by studying in the U.S and not sitting on Zoom, I try to make the most of it.

I am leaning towards only having six more months in the city, and I can't make up my mind towards the feeling. I believe I have come to the insight that no matter how much time I spend here, there will never be enough. Like in everything in life, I believe that you can never be fully ready no matter what you do, but there is also hard to get enough. There's more to leave than just the city; it's the life I have built up the last fore years. Until I graduate, I want to fill the days by being at the ocean, watching sunsets, going for road trips, and spending time with the people who have made this time so unique, just like the last four years have been. Cheers to these four years!


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