• Nicole Udd

How do I feel connected?

It feels like a long time ago since I sat down and actually wrote something real. Kajsa and I are most of the time trying to come up with things that are interesting, genuine, and posts that are giving something to you as a reader. We connect the dots between our writers and are trying to come up with other content in between, which feels more difficult sometimes than others.

I lost my job at the real estate agency I worked for late last year due to Corona. It was just like any other day. I was going to work thinking it would be a normal day. It is so strange how our lives can change from one minute to another. What I want to highlight is not that I lost my job, but the uncertainty and the lost space you can sense and feel stuck in afterward.

I am a person who most people would describe as happy-clappy and a caretaker, and most of the time, I am. From my experience, it also makes it harder when a person like me is having a couple of bad days or having low energy since a lot of people quite right away jump to the conclusion that something is wrong since I am not jumping on clouds. It is absolutely okay not to be happy all the time, but I found myself not being happy for a long time; it unbalanced me completely. The uncertainty of not having a job, not knowing what to do or what the future would hold.

It has been such a challenging year with the pandemic, and there are so many people out there that are going through the exact same thing - losing your job, feeling lost, feeling stuck, and struggling to get out of bed in the morning. You are not alone. Why do we not talk about this more? During this period, the only thing I wanted to do was lay in bed and watch series. I did not have the energy for anything else. Even though I was very lucky to find another job, my feelings did not dissolve. I had to get out of bed and go to work, but my body and mind screamed it needed rest. I woke up angry and frustrated every day. I felt so guilty while thinking about other people who are in situations with way more vulnerable circumstances. With that said, it is also SO important to remember that you matter. You matter. There will always be people in a worse situation than you are, but you are the only one living your life, and you need to focus on yourself.

Everybody is experiencing these things differently, and people are also tackling them in different ways. What really helped me was first to acknowledge it, talk about it out loud with people around me, and lastly, accept it. I changed my mind about it - instead of blaming myself that I am lazy, tired, sad, and boring all the time, I started to embrace that I needed the rest. It is okay to not always do something. It is okay to have a month or two that you only want to watch Netflix, but be honest about it and don't hide in the sadness. Eventually, a day will come, and you want to go for a walk, and suddenly you will find small sparks again.

In all of this, I can tell you I did not have a positive mind. I mean, how can you? I felt so stuck and so lost. It came to a point when I had enough, and I realized that I could not go on being that sad and energyless, but I also knew I was the only person who could change it. I started making small changes and begun to trust the universe instead. I changed my mindset. Life is strange sometimes. Life took a lot of turns in unexpected ways, and to get the best out of it you just need to adjust yourself and do not take anything for granted.

Today I feel so connected to myself, more than I have in a very long time. I put myself first and take care of myself, my mind, and my body. For me, that means long walks in the fresh air, talking to friends and family, being active with yoga, taking long warm showers in candlelight, and feeding my body with rich nutrients. It does not need to mean the same to you, but ask yourself - How do I feel connected?


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